Introverted Introspection

Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Such a simple yet profound thought and one that causes my ever wandering mind to wander even further down the rabbit hole. It is those very characteristics and traits that I find ever annoying, grating and unbearable in others that are the very qualities I struggle with internally. Of course I can’t find an example, but perhaps it is in vain or self preservation. It is interesting however, that in the very same manner we often attribute those undesirable traits in others as outside ourselves and something to be prevented or avoided, when in its very essence, it resonates within our very own being as traits we dislike just as much within ourselves.

But, what about the opposite? What about those qualities in others that we admire? Can we find these same qualities within ourselves? Do we admire them because we embody them, or do we aspire to develop, hone and use them? Can it be that simple? I am not convinced…. rather I assert that those qualities I admire in others such as boldness, inner confidence, mindfulness and steadfast faith, are indeed qualities I possess, but are also qualities that I continually struggle to empower, enforce and maintain. It is these qualities in others that I admire and aspire to learn and grow from. Yet I question whether we can admire qualities not yet personally witnessed or experienced as then they have the potential to be undefined and therefore unknown?

The ever infinite circle of analytical thought, sometimes it plagues me, other times it motivates me and often times it propels me… Developed at a young age, the innocent questions of faith, purpose, personality and experience crowds, clouds and confirms my thoughts; reaching outwards, upwards and onwards, gathering the past, defining the present and identifying the possibilities of the future…

I'm afraid of...

Over the past couple of months I have come to an impasse of sorts; a place where I feel comfortable with my French side but still uniquely Canadian. A pensive realization that my French half is evolving at a separate rate, pace and identity to my Canadian persona; a blank slate where I am free, able and willing to try on new hats and ways of living. A simple lack of language and strained communication coupled with innately natural apprehension, and a desire for intelligent discourse, paves way for a new cultural identity, one where I can steer the course and define its direction.

Exciting yet peculiar, forbidden yet permissible, this evolving experience and opportunity lends light to the possibilities and vastness of who, what, and why we are who we are. Throughout this progression I am trapped in a revolving state of stagnation and limbo, where the present moment is preferred in its changeability, flexibility and mindful knowing. A place where I am neither French nor Canadian, where I prefer the French landscape yet fear the familiar North American influence.

 

A reverse culture shock of sorts, especially around other North American expats… Despite the few incredibly cultured and inspirational North Americans I have been fortunate to meet and know; others register within me a sense of shock and opposition. My eyes and ears respond in learned recognition, but my mind and intuition are quickly turned off by the shared similarities I hoped wasn’t so personally ingrained. The expressions, tones, topics and confidence are eerily familiar and heavily recognizable, as if I am listening to myself; yet is it me now, or was it me then, or is it an unchangeable aspect of myself…?

 

It is something I had imagined would be a reality, if and when, I resumed residence across the Atlantic, but it is just as impactful a world apart from its origins and evolution. And so I am struck with a sense of saddened association to my North American roots, yet I remain steadfast, confident, opinionated and direct in my youthful innocence and experience.

 

Perhaps David Bowie describes it best in “I’m Afraid of (North) Americans”… Is there any other culture as influential, imposing, inspiring and invading?

I unmistakeably love and identify with my Canadian roots,

however, in this evolving identity and recognition of self I am beginning to

recognize, evaluate and dissect

the cultural anomalies present in our vast multicultural identities.

Who’s that chick?

Oh là là, je suis belle!

A huge thank you to my friend Marta who recommended an impromptu photo-shoot, with only a simple vision and minimal accessories, resulting in phenomenal expressive shots.  With background indie beats, bright lights, and big hair, we set off for an afternoon of focused photography. In between intense eye to lens contact and various poses – hand on chin, arm slung over chair, elbow resting on knee – direct gaze, elongated neck, sideways glances – the afternoon unfolded and great photos were captured.

Usually modest and almost always reserved,

I enjoyed every minute and proudly owned and loved the snapshot results!

Check out Marta's work on her website!