Okay so I am somewhat of a pro at these things, and despite the slight annoyance at the regularly timed beeps and blips, the test is relatively quick and always shows slight conductive hearing loss in my left ear. No change is good change though, and despite my last surgery, my hearing has remained intact… well as intact as it was in the past at least. Funny thing is, while I am not deaf, as I am sometimes teased, especially when I can’t make out a song in the background or sense that someone has knocked on the door, there are other sounds that amplify their way into my brain and refuse to leave! And this was a very recognizable fact that began to plague me within the year before finding out that I needed surgery. Perhaps it was a premonition of sorts or a pre-warning of ear annoyances, but certain sounds drive me batty and drive me crazy!! Namely, the chatter of keyboards, one way phone conversations, extremely low or high pitched vocal tones, and whistling (especially when it is overly cheerful). The beeping of a reversing truck, the high pitched squeals of a schoolyard of children, or the baritone pitch of an Alan Almond-esque voice are all enough to make me wish I was momentarily deaf. I tried to communicate this annoyance to my Dr., which drew a smile, but no confirmation of cause, although I am willing to bet that my pesky ear troubles have left me with constant auditory reminders of an ear not quite right in shape, sound or sensation. And so, I am faced with the irritation of the Chinese keyboard torture, the happy whistler and expressive infants as a sweet reminder of my preserved hearing. I guess… you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have… the facts of a life of disordered hearing!
I feel I should also explain the hearing test. While I understand that it is conducted in a controlled environment, I would really love to know how well I would do without pre-knowing when the next beep will sound and in which ear. So, as it always goes, you sit in a soundproof booth with stereo style headphones or conducting earphones that sit on the mastoid bone behind the ear, and you raise your hand that corresponds to the ear you hear the sound in. Never mind that it is made even easier as you can usually see the audiologist pressing keyboard keys to signal when the next beep will be played, which is usually perfectly timed only seconds apart. Sometimes they will play fake wind noises in the opposite ear as a distraction; or if you pay attention they will look up from the corner of their eye when you haven’t raised you hand for a series of beeps you have likely missed. As a result, I often find myself in such deep concentration that what I actually can hear in the booth is not likely even remotely possible in everyday life. Perhaps the greatest judge of my Charlie Brown inspired hearing is reflected in the word test, which I have not had the pleasure of participating in France (thank God). In this particular hearing test you turn to the side and the audiologist speaks toward one ear at a time, pronouncing a word that you have to repeat. Now this is where the true colours of my hearing shine, and while I can hear the word, or part of the word or something resembling sound, what I process and actually hear is not always accurate, and the word ‘car’ will sound like ‘jar’ or ‘bar’ (where I would rather be than defending my wonky hearing). Or the word, ‘girl’ will sound like ‘pearl’ or ‘hurl’ (which I would like to do to the test itself). You get the point ;)
And so, I consider myself fortunate that I can continue to be inspired through music, grow in French comprehension with slowly increasing confidence and decreasing concentration, and add to the growing list of auditory annoyances that serve as a reminder to stop and listen!
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