Á la fin de l’année …

The start of a new year and the realization of renewed dreams and goals; a reflection of past accomplishments and unrealized ambitions; a setting of resolutions and personal demands for a brighter and happier season ahead….

As ideas swirl around my head of all the places I want to see, people I want to meet, fears I want to conquer and lessons I want to learn… I am preoccupied instead with the realization of this achieved goal and the journey leading up to it…

In hindsight when I reflect on the journey before the journey the timeline, planning, expectations, tears, anxiety, worry and silver lining seem far away yet not too far in the distance; at least as time and space are defined.  

So where did it all begin??? Sometime, more than 3 years ago, I had an impression that I needed to forge a life in France, to engage with and discover my other family, define and understand my life vision and purpose, reflect on my dreams and discover myself, my fears, goals, ambitions, motivations, and strengths…. Although self reflection, analyzation and awareness are all well defined yet ever expanding personal traits.

As I can best recall, the seed was planted one afternoon while sitting on a friend’s balcony overlooking the riverfront, however any actualization of a solidified investment in this seed of thought did not materialize until the summer of 2008. It was at this time when the spark was ignited and a sense of urgency and impending regret grew. And it grew, and grew and grew, and festered until I was scrambling around in a haze of anxiety, half truths, unknowns and what-ifs. Those of you who knew me then, my apologies…  Those who were lucky to have been spared this period of my life can only imagine my over-zealous and passion filled planning and expectations, including …

listing my house for sale (end of summer 2008)

getting rid of my car weeks after the listing date (and all at the start of the recession)

obtaining my French citizenship

busing it for a year around Windsor (1 hour 20 mins to and from work)

and then…

deciding maybe I didn’t want to go to France any more

This is where the needle drops, the music stops playing and confusion ensues… but not for me, in actuality it was a time of clarity and re-focusing on the goal and its reasons, implications and significance. I like to think that I regained a sense of balance at this time, or at the very least re-defined my outlook and expectations. And so, with renewed confidence and diminished anxiety I began the following course of action…

looking for and getting a new job

having my Dad visit and stay with me for 5 weeks

beginning a French course (with all 3 of the above starting on the same day)

buying a new/used car

re-listing my house in the spring of 2010 (which sold in 5 weeks with a closing date 5 weeks later)

selling off my possessions

moving in with wonderful friends until my work contract ended

and ultimately moving to France

Maybe it was good timing, the surrender of expectation or the acceptance of the unknown and infinite possibilities, but this second time around was much more effortless and natural, falling gracefully into place.

And so it is … a pre-journey filled with emotion, perspective, discovery and never-ending lessons and learning…. While it did not fit within my initial timelines, expectations and did not come tied up in a bow, it is a realized dream without regret or disappointment.

Joyeux Noel!

As I am writing these words, Christmas in France, it seems somewhat surreal, as if magical and enchanting; but in all sincerity it was very similar to a Christmas back home, full of family, food and fond memories.

You could say that I am slightly bah humbuggish - I hate Christmas music before December 20^th, crowded malls and never ending lines, but this Christmas was thankfully much more relaxed with a delicate yet subtle manufactured spirit, with muted decoration, and ornament clear-out sales (confined to one aisle) days before the celebration. While I appreciated the understated commerciality of the season, I still found myself scrooge like and cheerless, partly due to missing the comforts and traditions of home, but also not knowing what to expect from this new experience.

If there is one thing I learned long ago it is to surrender expectation and to live in the moment; as if each experience is untainted by past memories or future anticipations. While easier said than done, I have been disappointed by expectations that were not met, but also by ones that were over-exceeded and unanticipated. However, I can humbly say that although as usual I had a wealth of expectations, I genuinely had an entertaining Christmas, filled with a sense of contentment and peace.

Le réveillon de Noël (Christmas Eve) was spent in morning solitude with big, fat, effortless tears of loneliness and liberation, followed by dinner, dessert and drinks with family and friends, filled with radiant laughter, conversation and admiration for the realization and actualization of this endless journey. Le jour de Noël included leftover food and emotion and was spent in the presence of loved ones around the world through Skype, phone calls, emails and a door adorned with the cards of companionship and well wishes!!





Merry Christmas everyone/Joyeux Noël tout le monde! May this season impart a sense of gratitude, appreciation and admiration for our many blessings, experiences and opportunities!

H.H. Final days

Sat Dec 18:
With the ground freshly dusted with snow from the night before, we headed out to walk the grounds of the Ardgillan Castle.



Although a chilly day, the grounds were quiet and serene... perfect for the slight wine headache and queasy tummy from the night before....

Followed by fish and chips... on my wish list of things to do either in England and Ireland.

museums - nah; exhibits - nah; touristy things - nah; nope its fish & chips for me! ...

and thanks to the wonderful cuisine of crisps, chips, Christmas pudding cheesecake, rashers.... I have gained back the kg I somehow lost after arriving in France.

My final night in Ireland was spent in relaxed company and conversation with Aggie & Mick and their neighbours Wayne and Cathy! A night filled with laughter and bantering - a much appreciated reminder of Canadian friends, hang-outs and pastimes!

Sun Dec 19:

With forecasts for snow and ice the previous night, and Heathrow shut down the day before in London, I anxiously hoped that I may be stuck in Ireland for a few more days... But with clear skies and no delays I returned to Lyon early that morning to temps of around 11°F. Et voila, my journey to a land of English, blue and green eyes, rolling countrysides and warm hospitality has come to a temporary end.... until maybe St. Patrick's day???

A huge thank-you to Aggie & Mick for their hospitality, friendship and generosity,

& Marley for all the kisses and cuddles!!